It’s been 5 years since I first spent the 6 days between Christmas and New Years doing the Desire Map work of discovering my core desired feelings; and from the those feelings creating goals, and an intention for the upcoming year with a theme word … in that first theme year I chose Heal.
2015 has become a marker of sorts in my New Years planning; 2015 was the year I was pushed over the proverbial edge; I was forced to be real, be honest, and stop pretending I was ‘fine’! In my adult life it was the proverbial defining moment; the heartbreaking, gut wrenching invitation to change my life and take responsibility for my own happiness!
That being said it was also the year I discovered, and embraced that you can not help someone who doesn’t want help; that you can love someone even if you don’t agree with their choices; and you can not only survive heartache, you can thrive in spite of it!
2015 was my year of Truth; I couldn’t run or hide, deny or dismiss my life anymore!
The Truth will set you Free; has never been more tangible than it was for me in 2015!
I set myself free of guilt, responsibility and all the shame I had been carrying for a lifetime! I wasn’t ‘fine’, as I had been telling everyone; I was tired, soul deep exhaustion had taken hold and it was time for change!
The years that f
ollowed brought a series of themes;
2016 – Heal; 2017 – Growth; 2018 – Create; 2019 – Surrender
Today as I work through everything that 2019 has brought me I am looking back on a lot of loss, so many ‘ends’! Ends of life, ends of relationships, ends of ways of thinking, ends of business ideas; and while it has been a painful and difficult year; I have stood in it all, I have felt the losses and surrendered to the lessons! I am stronger for surrendering which completely contradicts how I used to think about surrender!
The moments, are where my focus has gone this passed year; not what might happen if I do this or that – but rather what will I feel while I do this or that? Where is my truest expression? I will do that – often!
I didn’t offer explanation, I just showed up! In my life, within my business community, I just showed up, as my Self in that moment – and I was embraced!
I didn’t have to preface anything with ‘Authentic AF’, I didn’t have to explain all the ways I was putting myself out there being vulnerable, I didn’t have any expectations about how anyone might relate or react, I just let my Self be … not for likes, or perceived ‘relatability’ to sell products … but because it was the right thing for me to do in those moments, for my Self!
Surrender has served me well! I could feel it as I was going through the year in moments; but the retrospection is where the real gold is! As you are preparing not only for a New Year, but a New Decade; don’t skip the autopsy! Go back over 2019 for all the wisdom that will guide you moving forward!
The first thing I saw looking back was the loss, but there was so much more that 2019 brought to my life! I traveled and experienced so many firsts, I was committed to being in nature as much as possible in 2019, to opening myself to the wild – there were dolphins, whales, moose, fox, coyotes, wolves, bears and mountain goats who crossed my path (and in some cases ate out of my hand!)
The open o
cean, ice burgs, the mountains and glaciers, and my own small piece of nature here At Home; all there holding space for me as I surrendered to life as it unfolded for me!
Pain has a way of monopolizing the spot light … if you don’t deal with it! Wounds require tending, care, a balance of cover and exposure and unmeasured time to heal … you can not skip the healing if your end goal is growth!
2019 had it’s share of pain, but it brought even more joy and opportunity! As I lost and was forced to let go; I inadvertently created space for more, space for new, space for change, and moving forward all that space offers me so much opportunity! 2020 has been astrologically coined a Year of Manifestation … I’m poised and ready to capitalize on all that energy!
As I embrace the lessons of 2019 and prioritize the goals with soul for 2020; I feel called to TRUST.
Trust is what I need moving forward! Trust in my Self, in my Path, in my Work, in my Relationships, and in my ability to carry all my theme words and work forward into this brand new decade!
Trust as a noun … reliance 
on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, of a person or thing; confidence.
Trust as a verb … to have confidence; hope
Indeed, Trust will be the banner I fly to open this brand new decade! I am beyond excited for the plans to expand our space here At Home, for the integration of my work into our home and the opportunity to create a space of healing for my clients!
As I set to work on manifesting ‘Shala Luna’ and filling that space with all my dreams I invite you to make the most of these days between Christmas and New Years!
Start by asking your Self; how do I want to feel?
Once you know how you want to feel … ask your Self; what will I do to feel the way I want to feel?
If you’re looking for a place to create your goals with soul, and tap into your Core Desired Feelings … message me to book your spot in my Desire Map Workshop coming in January!