If you know me, you know that I love to talk, but I have also gotten equally good at listening (personal growth win!)
I have never backed away from sharing my personal struggles if i felt they could provide a learning experience for someone else; several years ago though I was part of a training lead by Dr. Brené Brown and she made a comment that I have been tossing around ever since.
Not Everyone is worthy of hearing your story ~ Dr. Brené Brown
For a long time I wrestled with this question … is it really vulnerability if you measure it?
The simple answer is YES!
Life has a way of showing up with all the answers when you are looking for them!
The last few months have given me so many opportunities where I wanted to share bigger pieces of my Self to help those around me better understand the ‘why’ of my behaviour … but I didn’t. Not sharing is two fold in this case. First, sharing didn’t feel safe for me, and second; part of the story isn’t mine to share so I would then to be putting someone else’s story in unsafe hands.
What I have come to understand when people make assumptions, jump to conclusions, judge, and assign negative labels to what they know nothing about and clearly don’t understand is this … their behaviour is not my responsibility, and none of what they are projecting is mine to carry.
I have done an immense amount of personal work to get to this place, how I live and treat (even the judgy, unworthy of my story) people is in alignment with my belief that we are all worthy of compassion and empathy.
I won’t lie, my first reaction can still lean towards lashing out, to fight for their understanding … I mean wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could let our guard down, share our story and affect those people in a way that changed their life and made them better humans … sometimes we find people worth investing in with our stories and other times; there is a deep knowing that now stops the share; and that knowing played hard into life here At hOMe yesterday.
Sitting with Jake last night, my deep soulful being who is so wide open to heart connections with me; what played over in my heart was a quote I have used a million times from the great Dr.Seuss … those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.
From Jake’s beautiful deep gaze flows such unconditional love and acceptance; it’s the kind of gaze I wish I could find in more human faces … my heart aches for those on the receiving end of hate and uneducated judgement, for those who are struggling to find purpose in their lives on top of the pile of mistakes they are trying to make right; and on the other side it’s equally heartbreaking to watch people so filled with self righteous loathing so callously cast off those they deem damaged; and completely miss out on the magic of that persons differences – or understand just how devastating their judgements are to those on the receiving end of their hate!
It’s simple but so incredibly hard … it is human nature to desire connection, to want to be liked and accepted! Boundaries work both ways, they are designed to stop the inflow of what we don’t want in our lives; but they are also an important tool to guide our sharing, to assess the safety of those we choose to share our story with. Wisdom from the Herd this morning is to check your fences.
It’s a new day, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the Herd offered sacred space for my morning meditation and tears … no regrets, while it is always my work to process my emotions, to feel, integrate, grow and release what doesn’t serve me and lead by example; it is also my work to accept that somethings are just better left unsaid.
Wishing everyone an incredible Tuesday … with love jo & the Herd