For years I have joked about “starting my days ankle deep in sh*t” being a positive thing … it can only get better from there, right?
Today may have been one of the exceptions to that rule; let me say we have had a lot of rain, a lot of snow which said rain melted and we are suffering from a lot of MUD in the paddocks … mud & manure soupy conditions … you get the picture!!
While the stalls are high and dry the paddocks are a different matter entirely, this morning as I made my way back from putting hay w-a-y out back where the mud is only moderately deplorable, I was lost in thought about a fabulous new program I am working on … lost in thought is not where you want to be while navigating mud that is claiming more than half your knee-high rubber boot … just sayin!
Yet there I was smiling about how awesome this program is going to be, while freaking out more than a little about pulling it all together in just 4 weeks; when I walked out of my left boot … yup I walked clean outta my boot!
Sock foot next step brought me right into the moment!
A very cold, totally disgusting moment as my foot sunk into the mud n’ manure soup … what I distinctly remember my first thought being … I don’t have time for this sh*t!!
As I hopped to the fence and looked back at my boot barely sticking out of the mud while balancing on one foot, I couldn’t help but laugh, and was more than mildly upset that I didn’t have my phone because ‘hello’ it was a stellar pic! What it wasn’t was reachable without having to walk back through the nasty to get it!
Not going to lie I actually thought about leaving it there, but it was further back to the barn than it was to the boot! So, I tip toed, sunk my sock foot three more times, grabbed the boot, hopped/sunk a few more times back to the fence where I pulled off my sock and put the boot back on … took a quick look around to ensure that no one had seen me and carried on.
Finishing up in the barn I thought about what had happened, properly reminded myself that this is what happens when you aren’t mindful and then got to thinking about my first thought being ‘I don’t have time for this sh*t!’ I realized it wasn’t about the boot at all, it was about adding a program that I knew could be epic with 6 months planning and yet here I was dumbing it down hoping to deliver it in 4 weeks … with that planning coming over Christmas!! Setting my Self up to fail has been an issue for me, running with ideas and not taking the time to prepare, today with a very cold foot I recognized the pattern!
I got caught up in my own hype, trying to recreate what had once been great energy in my past and now I needed to back track … just like I had to go back for my boot; I would have to go back on my plans, plans I had already gone public with … UGH!
Go back I would, and allow this project the time it needed to be epic, rather than throwing something out into the marketing wind and trying to keep myself in the game!
It’s been a tough week here At hOMe, after an extremely difficult weekend, which happened after a heartbreaking 9 months of struggle… which came hot on the heels of a messy year of pandemic lockdowns and fear … I am allowed to be messy, permission to fall apart, to not fall apart, to do whatever it is I need to do to heal, or at least keep moving forward; it’s okay if I jumped the gun, let’s just be grateful that I saved my Self in time!
One messy, boot lost morning in the barn that opened me to the awareness that I was not ready, that it was okay for me to take some time; I didn’t have to be all the things for all the people, I needed to be there for me; filling my cup so that I can continue this journey of healing my family … first.
As I type ‘family first’ I am reminded of all the times in studio women would apologize for having to miss a class because of parent teacher interviews, sick children, husbands working late, bosses pulling rank and always my answer was ‘family first’, no worries! I have finally reached a place in my own healing where I can extend that same grace to my Self!
That didn’t stop me from getting in from the barn, pouring a cup of coffee and getting to work on my program… scheduling the post notifying everyone that it would be postponed to February … the month of love (and my birthday) feels like the perfect time to do the work of building a better relationship with our Self! Right? My business, my being in service is a large part of what heals me!
December is always themed and trimmed with Gratitude for this girl, because nothing can ruin Christmas like unrealistic expectations; and nothing can make it the most wonderful time of the year like appreciating everything we already have!
So, today’s gratitude top three … Mud, Manure & Manifesting!
I know I’m not the only one trying to figure out how to show up in this post pandemic, riding a fourth wave, maybe, kinda world … I certainly hope you are taking it slow, but staying aware; offering yourself grace, but still kickin ass when you need to! We got this and I am blessed and grateful to have you along for the ride!
Happy Friday! Xo